Once, I pooped a cabbage. Afterwards, I thought aloud to myself, “When one poops many a cabbage, does the cabbage become something that ought not be desired?” I answered this studiously, writing a 35 page research paper on the subject. The first word of the paper was “Jelly”, and, because of this, was immediately disregarded by all academically-minded people who prefer peanut butter.
This blow that I was dealt caused my downfall.