“Today in the bloggosphere there has been an outbreak of mass hatred and violence near the blog of Lacrosse. What started as a simple post by Abe about Lent has apparently become a very hot situation. The post has, our sources say, reached fourteen comments, and may not be done yet. Abe has not posted about the situation as of yet and could not be reached for comment. But hey, what else is new, he never comments on this blog either…
It all started when Kelsie (correctly) pointed out that Lent was not a Lutheran tradition, but Catholic. Kelsie is a very trustworthy source on the subject, herself being Lutheran. Abe probably just made a simple mistake, and it seemed that all would be well. But the blogging world was shaken when Doug posted a comment, perhaps satirical (but biting nontheless) saying that Kelsie should ‘return to [her] labrinth of ignorance’ and ‘not bother us here in blogland’.
Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa is over at Kelsie’s blog, and has the inside scoop. Tricia?”
“Thanks Ansen. I’m here at the R.A.K.E blog with Kelsie. Kels, what exactly did Doug say?”
“He…he…he said he didn’t like me and that I don’t deserve to own a computer just because I proved Abe wrong.”
“Wow, sounds crrrraaaazzzyyy!!! What was your reaction?”
“I don’t think I like it very much. Nor do I like Doug.”
“I see. Well, that’s the latest from R.A.K.E. Ansen, back to you.”
“Thanks Tricia. Well, things got even more out of hand when Anonymous (if you have any information on the whereabouts of this person please call 1-800-blogstoppers) struck back against Doug and defended Kelsie. Thomas quickly jumped to Doug’s aid and slammed Anonymous. Then Nathan brilliantly used the satirical method back against Doug. I meanwhile made a fair and honest post that simply assessed the situation and that I’m sure everyone will love and adore for the rest of eternity. But for now, let’s go back to Tricia Takanawa as she has quickly made her way over to Nate Dogg’s Blog. Tricia?”
“Thanks Ansen, you’re looking handsome today. So Nathan, what’s your reaction to what’s happened over at Abe’s blog?”
“Let me weigh my words for a minute.”
“Ok.”
“Doug is a very funny guy, he should just keep the sarcasm for people who won’t be offended by it. Kelsie was only trying to be helpful and she seemed to be punished for it. I assume that Doug didnt want to hurt any feelings but…
“Yes???”
“Sometimes people misunderstand and he should keep that in mind. Before unleashing his wit.”
“Very insightful. One more question…what’s your favorite kind of ice cream?”
“Mint Chocolate Chip. The green kind.”
“Wow, mine too! Maybe we should go get some sometime?”
“…”
“Ok, well, um, Ansen, that’s it from Nathan. Back to you in the studio.”
“Thanks again Tricia. We will be keeping a close eye on this situation over the next couple hours to see how things develop. Remember, tune into ‘Ansen Lays It On’ for the latest information. Ansen’s Blog: funny, accurate, and close to the point. We shall now return you to your regular programming.
I have now updated the situation at Lacrosse. Check it out. I have now commented on this blog
I’ve never had a Spanish chick before. Gigidy Gigidy.
This quote from Ansen:
“Doug is a former Cair Paravilian. I would have to agree with you on the not liking him very much part…”
And I have been accused of low blows…for saying in jest what someone else speaks in earnest? I hardly feel this is justified. But, I suppose you are entitled to your own opinions, Ansen. I will now, feeling the weight of rejection and hate (things that I haven’t experienced since my graduation from high school, which was a den of vipers masquerading as decent people) retire to my books – my only friends anymore – and in being alone, be not lonely.
Ansen, go thou in peace. Be blessed among nations. May the sheep of your field prosper. May the lilies pour forth knowledge. May you live long in the land of your forefathers and produce much fruit. Vegetables too. May the chariots of fire be with you, and if they be not with you, may you get a taxi. May April be kind, and your rebirth gentle. Bask in the heat of the sun, and when you are done basking, take a moderately- temperatured shower. Eat the milk and drink honey.
This quote from Doug:
“First off, Ansen is an idiot.”
Ok. Now another one:
“Ansen, it’s ok. I understand. We were never friends, pal. I tried but you rejected my friendship.”
I must have completely missed that whole you trying to be friends with me thing. As for my quote saying I didn’t like you, it mostly came out of the first quote I just gave from you. I seemed to be under the impression that you started the whole thing. You obviously don’t mind continuing it either:
“Ansen certainly should [take a lesson of humor from Abe] if he intends to write anymore “humorous” posts. Spare me.”
I would ask that you do not slam my blog. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. I get plenty of other people that enjoy what I write. But from what you commented above it sounded like you were above low blows.
I didn’t say I hated you, I said I didn’t particularly like you. It shouldn’t be surprising that people don’t like people who call them idiots and ridicule them. I realize you may say that that was “in jest”, but if that’s the case, I would suggest toning down your sarcasm, as it seems a little overly hateful. It’s obvious from today that I’m not the only one that thinks so. But like I said, if it really was a joke then I’m sorry that I said I didn’t like you and that I took you the wrong way. I ask for your forgiveness.
Ansen, perhaps we should have a few heart to heart emails. This blogging has reached the point absurdity. I feel bad now about all this. I want to offer my sincere apologies (for real sincere this time). My email is Bakerdd1@gcc.edu
I didn;t check to see if you had yours on your blog. I’ll check. But if you don’t send me your address so I can write you. Alright, thanks.
Doug
Ansen, check your email. I sent you one.
And I thought I was Sarcastic.
HEY…..I’M THE ONE WHO POINTED IT OUT THAT IT WAS A CATHOLIC HOLIDAY!!!!