I Do Not Like School

Understatement. I would shell out a lot of cash right now for someone to make it next Friday afternoon. I don’t care that I’m going to be working 40 hours a week this summer. I don’t care that cool people are moving away (including me) and I won’t be able to see them anymore. I don’t care that I am going to spend every last penny I have (or more) on college. I don’t care that I’ll have to eat cafeteria food instead of mom food. I don’t care that people say it won’t be any better than CPLS.

I WANT HIGH SCHOOL TO END! NOW!! And not necessarily because I’m looking forward to college. I just can’t handle high school anymore. It has slowly been becoming unbearable, but today sealed the deal.

Today I felt truly stressed for the first time this year. And it hit hard.

It’s hard enough with the eight billion projects we have to do and finals and stuff, but today only made things worse. I thought it was supposed to be a downhill slide starting at second semester. It’s more like a downhill slide with a solid brick wall two weeks from the end. You slam right into it at full throttle, and then, with your head still spinning from the blow, you’re left trying to figure out how to get past it.

It was bad enough already. I don’t need more problems right now. I don’t know if I can handle it. I am so tired and so angry. I wish I never had to go in that building again.

“You’re a good student Ansen, you normally do so well, which is why I’m so disappointed in you. I expect more from you. This is a serious problem that we need to talk about.”

I don’t want to be a good student if it means that when I do the same thing as everyone else I’m going to get wasted with homework and then have to do it again and watch my character and integrity get shelled on top of it all.

I don’t see how you can expect more from me. I’ve done what I could. I’ve done my best. And I’m sorry that wasn’t good enough for you. Now I’ve reached the end of what I can handle and I don’t want to give any more. So stop expecting.

And I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about anything with you or anyone else who has brought this down on me. I want you to let me fix it, move on, and forget it. And then I want you to stay away from me.

I want to get away from Cair Paravel, remember the good times, but then also remember that I’ll never wish that I was there again. I want to finally get away from the people that have dominated my life for the last eleven years and just remember the year before the last two weeks. I want to be out from under the suffocating watch of people I’ve had to live under for what seems like forever.

I want to forget today ever happened. And I want to forget that tomorrow is going to happen next.