Bittersweet

So if you really want to feel like you’re living out on the edge, but don’t want too serious of consequences for your actions, might I suggest something to do. Instead of going and robbing somone’s house, it’d be pretty nutty to do the opposite. Instead of taking all of some people’s things away, put a bunch of stuff into their house that isn’t theirs. You know…you can grab a bunch of old bookcases, maybe a mattress or two, throw in some chairs and tables, some pictures to hang, the works, and just put them in random spots around the house. Oh man. That’d get ’em.

Yes…this is what I think about on Saturday nights. Friday night wasn’t much better. I was too busy playing video games to think about something stupid though.

This weekend has been the best of one world, and the worst of another. I had a great time hanging with my family, but I didn’t really hang out with any friends at all. It is this contrast that makes me think about what it’ll be like leaving for college. It’ll truly be a bittersweet thing. “Why?” you ask. Ok, you probably didn’t ask and don’t really care…so we’ll try that again. “Why?” I ask myself. Because…

Like I said, there’s sort of two different worlds going on here – my family life and my friend life. It’s because of my family that I really don’t want to go to college. I mean, what is life going to be like without all my siblings around to keep me company? Arielle and I really do have some great times together, Marshall is my lil buddy, and Maddie is so cute you want to hug her at least once every couple minutes.

And my parents. Lots of people don’t like their parents and stuff, but I’m proud to say I love my mom and my dad, and I’m going to miss them. (Go ahead and make fun of me now.) Sure we have some differences sometimes, but I really enjoy the fact that I can have great conversations with them, and that they really care what I’m going through and how I feel.

Then there’s the social aspect of my life. This is when I look off towards the horizon and say…”Grr.”

Then after that I say something slightly more intelligent – “Tomorrow, hurry up and get here.”

I really do have some great friends and stuff, but it’s just getting old. I’ve been at CPLS for 10 long years and it seems that there’s nowhere I can go without being around them.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think that lots of people at CP are great and wonderful, but once you spend so much time with them you just sorta want to get away. It’s nothing against the people there. I think it’d happen with anyone you spend all your time with. And the thing is, I see these people at school five days a week, and my church might as well be school, because all the same faces are there.

And not only has it been the same people, but my social status among them has never been that high. This year it seems that I am finally breaking out of that at least somewhat, although not completely. But ever since back in my geeky elementary years I’ve always sorta been in on the “outside circle”. It got/gets frustrating.

For a while there I had a sort of alternate social group though. Almost like seperate lives. And I was even popular on some occasions (yay for junior high camp). But it seems that through my own doing my last place of refuge has fallen. But it’s not all bad. It’s great to see these people from my two seperate lives come together…but…now it seems I’m getting pushed out of both.

And that’s why college will be great. Of course they’re still be about seven to ten people I know there…but there will also be about 1800 that I don’t. Honestly, I can’t wait to get a fresh start.