Well today I read book the second of Lemony Snicket’s series, “A Series of Unfortunate Events”: THE REPTILE ROOM. Have you ever read a whole book in one sitting? You should try it sometime. It’s a lot like watching a good movie. Except…you’re reading.
Anyway, Lemony is a funny guy, so I though I’d share with you some of my favorite quotes from the book.
Dedication of book: “To Beatrice – My love for you shall live forever. You however, did not.”
“It is now necessary for me to use the hackneyed phrase, ‘Meanwhile, back at the ranch.’ It is a phrase used to link what is going on in one part of the story to what is going on in another part of the story, and it has nothing to do with cows or with horses or with any people who work in rural areass, or even with ranch dressing, which is creamy and put on salads. So, meanwhile, back at the ranch…”
“‘You’re supposed to be so very smart, and yet you always forget about this!’ Count Olaf reached into his pocket and pulled out the jagged knife. ‘This is my knife. It is very sharp and eager to hurt you – almost as eager as I am. If you don’t do what I say, you will suffer bodily harm. Now, get in the d—- jeep.’ It is, as you know, very, very rude and usually unnecessary to use profanity, but the Baudelaire orphans were too terrified to point this out to Olaf. They instead immediately turned and followed him out the door to the d—- jeep.”
“And so the orphans and Montgomery Montgomery went to see Zombies in the Snow….In the final scene of the the movie, the snow zombies and the villagers celebrated May Day together, but the three orphans were too nervious about Olaf to enjoy any of it.”
“Uncle Monty laughed jovially. ‘That’s right, Mr. Poe told me. Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is ripped apart by wild animals some day. Wouldn’t that be satisfying?'”
“‘Don’t worry, no harm will come to you,’ Uncle Monty said. Now…there is a situation in literature that occurs to often that is occuring at this very time. It is called ‘cruel irony’. For no matter how happy and secure the orphans feel, you and I know that soon Uncle Monty will be violently murdered within the space of a few chapters and the Baudelaires will be miserable yet again.”
Ah yes. If that doesn’t make you want to read this book, I don’t know what will. I, for one, shall be reading the next book of the series during English class.